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Post by Ace Rimmer, Attorney at Large on Oct 6, 2005 18:45:08 GMT -5
thats great, today i had someone call me from the Republican Party, they asked me for money... all i did was keep saying "Republican Pary" and laughing the Evil Mad Sciencetist laugh untill i hung up.
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Stormcat
Low-Carder
I'm Advanced!
Posts: 118
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Post by Stormcat on Oct 6, 2005 20:32:47 GMT -5
thats great, today i had someone call me from the Republican Party, they asked me for money... all i did was keep saying "Republican Pary" and laughing the Evil Mad Sciencetist laugh untill i hung up. So that was you who I called? Seriously, though, visit www.fuckallyall.com whenever you are borred. They often times have hilarious bits on there. Just today, they had news about someone being arested for paying $158.00 in $2.00 bills. It really is worth wasting your time at work/school there.
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Post by Minion on Oct 7, 2005 2:38:11 GMT -5
Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man. "How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde. He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy. "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going?
The blonde answered, "Home, I can't work in the dark".
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Post by (Team DX)Broken on Oct 7, 2005 2:42:02 GMT -5
lol, that one was funny
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Post by Sting on Oct 7, 2005 3:03:11 GMT -5
One day the new office manager finds himself faced with quite a quandary. The company is downsizing and he has to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to two people, Stacy and Jack. But it would be a hard decision to make as they were both equally qualified and excellent workers. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first he would let go. Stacy came in the next morning with a huge hangover after parting all night. She went straight to the water cooler to get some water to take an aspirin. Reluctant, but resolved the new office manager approached her and said; "Stacy, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." To which Stacy replied, "Could you just jack off, I have a terrible headache
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Post by The H B K "The Legend" on Oct 7, 2005 9:46:53 GMT -5
Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...
"Hi there, how is it going?"
Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:
"Not bad..."
Then the voice says:
"So, what are you doing?"
I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:
"Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."
Then I hear the person say all flustered:
"Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."
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Post by ddp on Oct 7, 2005 14:10:50 GMT -5
lmao all of them were great i needed a laugh today and that did it
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Post by (Team DX)Broken on Nov 12, 2005 3:47:14 GMT -5
There is a Red x on my screen so you know.
Top 10 Reason why Reason Trick or Treating is better than XXX
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the #1 Reason Trick or Treating is better than XXX
1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
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Butt Spawn
Mid-Carder
King of Town
I'll not spend my days glancing over my shoulder for assassins. Let them look back for me.-Nightbird
Posts: 688
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Post by Butt Spawn on Nov 12, 2005 20:05:10 GMT -5
i know its not a joke but i found it funny that orton missed an rko on jericho. that's great. my favorite part of that is how he gets up and immediately goes for it again. just makes him look stupider to me. Indeed. That's the problem with today's wrestlers..they don't know how to improvise =/. I have no idea what the hell Orton was thinking. However: I have a collection of botched moves, which you can find at the next link: *BE WARNED! IT DOES LAG QUITE A BIT, BUT IT'S WORTH SITTING THROUGH!!* http://video.google.com./videoplay?docid=9139433165317880933&q=Backyard
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Post by (Team DX)Broken on Dec 2, 2005 3:57:16 GMT -5
well i was listening to Dane cook(which i think he is really funny, anyone agree with me) and i had heard one of the funniest things ever that i think is true.
you that game monopoly, yea everyone owns it, but hates, it you know why, this is why: This is you 2 and a half hours into the game, ppfffftttt F&%K this game, it's 4 in the morning grandma YOU WIN, i am sitting on Baltic with CR$P and paying Luxury tax up the A$$, why are you always the banker grandma huh where did you get those pink 50's you cheating Who@e. don't touch me grandpa, Na Na is a Cheating Who@e and i should cut your Neck with this little doggy.
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Post by The H B K "The Legend" on Dec 2, 2005 10:35:11 GMT -5
Joke 1 One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
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Post by The H B K "The Legend" on Dec 2, 2005 10:36:00 GMT -5
Joke 2 A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God, I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're with the Government. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCREWED!
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Post by Minion on Dec 2, 2005 12:14:25 GMT -5
both jokes where funny. joke two was really funny thou
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Post by JSD on Dec 3, 2005 1:20:59 GMT -5
Bank Machine
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Put down you car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the cash machine. 3. Set parking brake, put window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
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Post by The H B K "The Legend" on Dec 3, 2005 1:23:34 GMT -5
Wow that was Funny...I Actually do that in Telllers...LOL!
Joke 1 A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!" The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?" The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?" "Because the $hit is running down my back!"
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Post by The H B K "The Legend" on Dec 3, 2005 1:37:44 GMT -5
Quick Joke 1 I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse.......
"Darn it ELAINE!!!!!!!!!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT"
Quick Joke 2 Mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What's that?"
"That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
"No, under the tail," says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question.
His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's penis, son."
"So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
Quick Joke 3 A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.
The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"
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Post by Minion on Dec 9, 2005 2:07:37 GMT -5
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Post by Ace Rimmer, Attorney at Large on Dec 16, 2005 5:34:52 GMT -5
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Post by (Team DX)Broken on Dec 17, 2005 8:56:41 GMT -5
omg, that was so Funking funny i can't stop laughing. oh woo thx for that laugh Ace kept it up i loved that one.
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Post by Ace Rimmer, Attorney at Large on Dec 17, 2005 9:46:30 GMT -5
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